November feelings..

Overcome with weird feelings of nostalgia and sadness...

Wanting to decorate things!

went in to a bar today,secretly scoping it out to find out the quality of the salsa i heard they had..i said to the girl behind the bar "i heard you have tortilla chips and salsa?" and she said that "yes she has nachos" i then tried to clarify that it was chips and salsa that i was after and then she f$*!£*?g sort of nodded & said"yeah nachos"!!! so this whole thing totally pissed me off-

i dont think these are the same thing at all-what the F? i ordered nachos in the next bar i went to and got NACHOS-not tortilla chips and salsa!!!!

some other totally weird shit is that i have been in contact with a salon cos i want highlights and have now dropped off a strand test to see how blonde my hair can get & i went back to check it out like they asked me too-the girl didnt know where it was! thats no biggie, she is new and pretty nice but she keeps trying to get me to get "slashes" instead of highlights! she must not be able to understand me.she keeps telling me to come in with pictures-i just want highlights!!!!!!

am i that difficult to understand?

I am the 7 1/2 floor...

I am totally in between sizes, or so it seems here in the UK. I try, and try some more to find something that fits me..mainly a good bra, shoes and "trousers" and 99% of the time it is a total disaster. I recently found myself thinking something along the lines of "I should just go to America and shop cos they make clothes to fit Americans....?" or something really dense. I bought a bra 2 weeks ago from M&S thinking I had finally found the right one, or at least one that might hold up for a little bit and in less than a week it had become something I hate, today I just gave in and put my old bra back on.

I also went to H&M today only to discover that everyone working there is a total Asshole, also that apparently plain black flared trousers and black fuzzy hats are not in season! What the hell am I going to do?

I literally do not fit into the sizes here, either way to big or WAY to tight not to mention beyond too long. I am not the worlds tallest person but I am no little person. The only jeans I got here that did not require hemming stretched so badly after being washed (and not dried) that they could not even be worn and had to be given to my husband- and that isnt the first time that has happen!

I would like SOMEONE to tell me how long they think a pair of trousers should last? How many years? How many patches? Im not exactly the worlds most crusty person but I do still repair/patch my clothing-one has to hold on to the good finds in today's current fashion crisis!

I have actually reached the point though now that I feel that I need to look a little bit more classy than I used too at work-which to be fair isnt even remotely difficult, but still fail to be able to find suitable clothing to do so in!

Overall I think the fashion is not so good in the UK, or perhaps its Edinburgh..I really dont know and I guess I really dont care..I just dont think I can bother/bore my husband with the exact same rant on all this..Thank god I didnt go in to shoes..

this time of year

It seems to be fall here in Scotland, i keep thinking that it must be like this back home but i keep getting reminded that it is hot there still. i feel like i have missed a lot this year,funerals, weddings, graduations,new babies and so on... its really getting to me at the moment.the change in the weather always makes me homesick. i am always homesick actually, it really does not take much to bring that out.

right now im wondering if i will ever feel the way i used to feel,like i belonged some place.something about it here just does not make me feel like i fit in. I'm not sure if it was the fact that i was drunk when i lived in the Czech republic or what but i don't remember feeling like this.

how long does it take to adjust anyway?

what would it be like if we went to America? would i feel OK there or have i turned into some weirdo sudo UK person?would i even be able to communicate with my close friends or has 2 1/2 years of not being close with anyone(apart from by husband-who has a very hard job might i add) damaged me? someday i hope we can go home,i love Scotland to a certain extent but i have not fallen in love with it.my husband loves it and that means a lot to me,and i love him so it makes up for it most times.im about to get a tattoo of an uprooted thistle on my arm,its supposed to be dark.i hope it is-but not in a goth way!!! its supposed to reflect my feelings of being uprooted to here,which it what it feels like,although not what it FELT like at the time..funny how that works out!on the subject of tattoos though,i have never before walked into a shop and told the receptionist what i want,im going to get a tattoo on tuesday from someone i have never met..and im a little concerned,its kinda like an episode of LA ink! i have yet to see the design and dont have time to stop by before the appointment!

well,thats the kinda stuff thats on my mind tonight!

anyways,its Saturday night..the hubs is in France and I'm at home!

I feel like I'm exposed to alot of shit here in the UK,i know i would be if i lived in America too but i don't live there so lets focus on here.To name a couple, people listen to pretty bad music here,when i moved here i had to come to terms with the kings of leon and shit like that,having to accept that this is whats swept the nation and possibly the world?!now its lady gaga,is she big in America?i think probly not but i don't know,maybe i just sheltered myself from the masses when i lived there?? it seems like there is always some really bad noise in the background,on the bus and in the shops,coming out of clubs, some kind of really bad summer dance hit!

I'm not the most adventures person anymore,one of my main musical enjoying pleasures coming from the internet from some classic rock radio station in Arkansas or the latest Ohio.but gimmie a break,if its not some nerve destroying dance track its some vocally out of tune" indie" nonsense!!

one cant even buy a pair of jeans without skinny legs and faded spots!!!literally,teenage girls look like they are wearing different colored scraps of fabric instead of a full garment of clothing? everything is stretchy!Then there is the make up painted on these poor teenage spray tanned faces,what kind of future do these girls hold,do they have dreams,do they even know they can have dreams?

It would be really interesting to spend time in America again, or even an extended period of time in Prague again-although when i go there now it is so different,updated a bit shall we say?it would be impossible now to live in Prague and not know that Brad and Jennifer had split up.

Is it like this everywhere,bad music and bad fashion?

the color tan.

since my arrival in the UK,or wait maybe my departure from America many many moons ago,i have been unable to find a good bra! one time when Amelia came back to Prague she brought me a new bra,so that one and one other that i purchased at target have actually been the only 2 good bras i have had in roughly 7 years.
how ultra lame is that..
anyhoo,so i read this thing in London that said that the department store John Lewis is the best for bras-or that's what UK ladies think.
the only bra i actually bought here so far was from there and it stretched out so badly after about 2 weeks that had i been able to find a better option i would have returned it!
Scottish weather,for lack of a better word is pretty fucked,at any given time one is roasting and freezing.after a fairly sweaty cold day at work combined with a mild hangover and also a mild chesty cold we decided to take the one hour window of shopping time i had left for the next week or so and go to John Lewis!
i didn't really see anything good in my size,which is pretty normal for here,i am really picky too but i thought i might ask the lady at the store!i kinda pointed to a bra that i knew i would like but just happen to be like 10 times to big and asked if there was a chance that she had anything in my size-not that far of a stretch right?
the bra lady pretty much told me in her professional Scottish bra talk that none of the bra styles i like come in my size(wtf?) and then she gave me some tips on bra sizes,she said that a 36c is the same as a 34d? ok,well I'm pretty willing to go with that i guess...besides none of the bras she gave me working out, the moral and i suppose question of this story is: would you ever in your right mind offer a tan colored bra to a sweaty hungover kinda heavily tattooed chick who is wearing ALL black? i certainly wouldn't...
when i heard her snooty little noise that she made when i told her i would NEVER wear that color it made it all worth it,rushing around in the freezing heat,trying on 4 more bras and again failing to find one that works...and even though i dont have a new bra,i still feel like i won?!

homesick.

i just spent a bit trying to figure out how to make a new post which i see as a sign that maybe i should do this more...?
its spring here in Scotland which makes me so homesick for America it is unreal. this is a yearly occurrence but i cant somehow think that my nearing birthday has something to do with it as well,i will never be a kid in Indiana again,or a teen,or a 20 something. and at this rate i will never experience a hot summer night.it does get nice here but not HOT the way it is when its midnight and its still miserable and you cant move or sleep and the only thing you can do is drink in the light of the porch light.even if it did get like that here i dont think they have porches and it would most likely be a national emergency.
it is really windy here almost all the time,it makes for a nice breeze which i would have welcomed back home but i guess absence makes the heart grow fonder. over the last 7 0dd years or so i have become so fond of America..
most of the time i feel so over saturated in British culture,and home feels so far away,even though this is my home now...i dont think people really "get it" here.my husband and i talk about this fact alot-i am not one of those Americans that WANTED to move here and become British..those really annoying people that PRETEND they are not American or Canadian or whatever...and seem angry or embarrassed of where they come from.like they have become so European they are more European than the Europeans..
anyhow,thats not me so on that note God bless America,keep rocking!!!

the new year

it has been 2 months now since i became the manager(officially) of the bar i work in and just when i think nothing else will break SOMETHING else breaks!!! part of the "manager" job is being able to manage i guess,although i just thought of that.so its being able to manage on your own and also manage the other people! i think I'm pretty good at both of those,but its pretty hard,even easy management jobs can be really hard work.
my job is in general pretty easy,not only do i get to "manage" the bar but today apparently i shop for supplies in freezing cold weather, i make huge pots of soup,gigantic batches of salsa,create both bbq chicken and bbq tofu toastie fillings! i also write blurbs for websites and fix glass washing machines.when im not doing those fun filled activities i clean toilets and urinals! i also pour pints of Tennents lager,Guinness,Stella-boy the list goes on!! if I'm really lucky pints of orange cordial and lemonade,sometimes 4 in a row!!
lately ive been mastering re-setting boilers,completely re-programing tills(that's a cash register outside of America) during the 5 o clock friday rush,simple math,HD TV,food thermometers,neon lighting,laminating machines and CCTV amongst other things!
if i have any time left after all that i like to stare at brown liquid dripping out of light fixtures in ceilings,or re-count piles of money!!
i like to make sure i think of everyone elses holidays before my own and i make sure i am there to pick up the slack when they are gone.
sometimes i do really tedious things like pick blue tac off sporting event posters and signs that have been hanging up.
when i feel like Ive been slacking at work i like to go and get myself a raging hangover,i usually time this perfectly with being to work around 9 am,usually at this point i like to wonder which football,rugby,tennis or golf games are on that weekend & how much extra stock i need to order! all of this is the kind of thing that really keeps me on my toes!
tomorrow i look forward to my very first stock take and breaking the news to the stock taker that we cant get a stock report for the last 2 months due to our till breaking-people like me really thrive in situations like these.after i accomplish that task i plan on figuring out how to get at least 1 huge pots worth of soup,several bags of tortilla chips,a bucket of salsa and a huge box of frozen bread across town spending as little money as possible!
i plan on checking and updating several social networking sites for my bar,updating menus and writing more blurbs!
i would say i have a pretty jam packed week ahead of me!!
i have made it to the top!!
this is management!!!

i am an elevator fixing expert!!!

yesterday i got a chord to an intercom system stuck down the lift shaft at work,getting the lift stuck and preventing the lift door from opening! it started out as a pretty genius idea for communicating with whoever is downstairs and it quickly escalated to a very high stress nightmare! not only was there a group of men drinking at the bar directly in front of the lift-watching my every move-but there where customers to be served and toasties to be made!!
after the conclusion that the lift doors could not be opened by sheer force,or even the FORCE the depression kicked in! knowing i would have to call a maintenance man in the first 10 days as manager was just too much!! how much would that cost? my world was crashing down,how many other things had gone wrong since i "took over"?the CCTV broke and we got a £70 call out charge for them to tell me the monitor was broken,the Internet is down AGAIN,the retractable awning wont extend out.....the beer cooler isn't cooling? the draught soda wasn't bubbly?!!!
why me i thought? I'm not cut out for this!!! i will surely end up a prescription drug addict from this job!!!
but i held tight and mustered up the confidence that i could figure something out and with a little tip from one of the guys that's been there about as long as the lift its self(and a screwdriver) i took apart the control panel on both the top and bottom floor doors of the lift!
i tried several different things and poked screwdrivers into a few different shaped holes to try and release something...finally i found a kind of spring like thing that totally released the door!!! i then was in the lift!! i quickly identified the problem,the inner doors had opened preventing the lift from moving further! with the help of an extra long handled feather duster and a huge torch(flash light) i was able to get the chord out,keep the intercom in the lift and close the doors, then sending the lift back up!!!
it was solved,the suspense was over!!!! i did it!!!! i had beaten my job,yet again!! maybe i could do it after all!!!??
i took this opportunity to rescue 6 kitchen knives and one cutting board,countless tea spoons,a mini disk recorder,a newspaper and a bag of shrimp scampi fried snacks from the bottom of the lift shaft!!!!
it was on to the next crisis for me!! in my head there was applause and champagne bursts,confetti and balloons!!! in reality there was my husband looking proud and knowing all along that i could do it,which is way better than all those other things!!
in short,i won again!

going out...

this is my very first post on my very first blog ever!!

today it seems sunny outside but i don't have any reason to go out there now.
i was going to go to the post office but not anymore! I'm glad too since the closest post office here isn't very good,its in a little supermarket and all that it consists of is an aisle type thing,some bad stained carpet and a few very angry people! it smells bad and is generally unpleasant what with the security guard that follows you around!

in fact any time i have been to the post office in edinburgh it has been trying for me.
call me american but last time i checked postal workers are here to help!!
last time i went i thought i had everything i needed,scissors,the addresses,stuff i needed to send-i was planning on purchasing the envelopes there,i got to the end of the block and realized i had forgotten my sharpie so i had to return home,i was tempted to just stay there!!
be advised that you need to bring everything with you,they don't have supplies like tape and pens for you to use,at least not free of charge!
considering the amount of foreign people in the UK one might think that the postal workers would be a bit patient and willing to explain how things work but as a first timer at one of the post offices in leith i found out the hard way!i felt i had to defend myself and explain what a post office is like where i come from,what they have to offer! here if your stuff does not fit in the shabby boxes they have for sale you are shit out of luck,no packing tape on hand to help you out!!if it gets there in one piece consider yourself lucky!
so I'm glad i dont have to go to the post office today,instead I'm staying in with today's shipment of husband straight home from canada!
its a good day,its an even better day than i thought it was!