Is this summer?

I don't even know where to begin with this blog anymore- continue I should say. I'm pretty sick of feeling sorry for myself about my living situation. I totally do not hate it here but I want to go home- I love my flat right now, appreciate the time I seem to somehow make to "make" something. I have a "studio" space- sort of. I have all my own furniture instead of a bunch of stuff that came with the flat. I have a few more friends here now, I feel totally confident in my ability to do so much shit but still can't find the time or energy to do most of it. Someone should sponsor me.
I do not bitch about my hair anymore now that I have a mullet- going on 7 months now.
I want to live in BOTH places, why is that so hard for some....immigration, cash- why can't they just trust that we aren't going to steal, drain public funds or sit around on our lazy asses. We are pretty hard working creative smart folks & can contribute so much to some community- although I do not feel that in this one - still - and prefer to stay in my house than go outside into Leith (walk).

Still totally unable to deal with the loss of my Aunt, finding it even harder now that more time has passed to reach out to her loved ones.

I became self employed & WANT to help people locally, but the people I think need help usually cannot afford it.. frustration there. Its pretty cheap too.

I still do the hours in the cafe & do enjoy that as it is currently a project moving forward.
I think I need to drink less coffee (which really makes me pissed off). Getting headaches & gonna see how it goes the rest of this week with:
less coffee
less alcohol- been drinking more than usual
less drugs- not that I take any anyway ( really)
more creativity
more rest
intensive work weekend- I shall then re-evaluate headache situation.

I AM pumped about some side projects with friends that require help, I am gonna re-do the website. Today I made a box.

Have had 2 very weird relationship breakdowns back home, both of which I feel totally unable to address although it is CONSTANTLY on my mind, weighing heavily on my heart.