Diane

This is what I wrote & sent over for my Aunt Diane's Memorial in Taos New Mexico.

My Aunt Diane

It wasn't until recently that I realised how young Diane was when I was born. She would have been 13 or so then & I only now can see how much she must have loved having a little niece around. Diane & I were close when I was a young kid & I appreciate that so much more now that I am older.

I moved out of the country almost 10 years ago now so I have not seen Diane & Marco as much as we all would have liked. Last fall Diane & I were playing phone tag a lot, at home Im 7 hours ahead so I was almost always at work when she would call & she usually wasn't home when I tried her.. one thing though that was apparent to me when we did talk was that she was not doing good. Although Diane always seemed concerned about my well being & had the best sense of humour on the phone, one of the calls we had in late October was very worrisome to me. I just remember her saying something about time, and not having very much of it. This made me feel that I had to see her as soon as possible. I was able to get the money together to visit her & Marco last November for Thanksgiving. I am so grateful that we had that time together in Taos,it was fun, funny, rocky, emotional,relaxed & sad.

I feel so blessed to have seen Diane when I did.

Even though Diane was in a lot of pain she was still very determined to live a full life & she still dragged me around everywhere to meet all of her friends. She was so full of stories & love & funny thoughts.

When I was in Taos I was filled with the hope & thought that everything would be Okay although I was there when Diane & Marco got the news that the "shadow" had grown & the 2nd surgery was proposed. I really felt that we would have more time. We talked a lot about the next time I might be able to come back & me bringing my husband Ricky so he could play music with her. She was so Happy that I had finally found the right someone to live my life with the same way that she had with Marco.

My mom & I lived with Diane on & off when I was a kid in Chicago, Wisconsin & Indiana.. One of my most favourite memories though from when I was a kid was when I was staying with my Grandparents in Mineral Point Wisconsin & it was the middle of the night & Diane & her old friend Megan showed up & asked my grandmother If they could take me for a few days, when we got out to the car I realised that they had 2 Labrador puppies with them! For a 7 year old that was the coolest thing ever, to have your Aunt come and kidnap you for a few days to hang out with puppies!

Diane was always the coolest ever, when I think of it now so much of my personality & taste is based on something Diane exposed me to at a young age, a movie she brought me to see, music that she played for me or the wonderful gifts she always showered me with when I was growing up,even the pizza I prefer comes from Diane.

In a way she was like a sister to me, Im just so sad that she wont be here anymore. I feel so sad that I chose to live so far away for so long but as I told my Mom today, I know that Diane wanted me to be happy, she always told me to look out for myself & do what I thought I needed to do.

For me the distance has made it pretty hard to come to terms with Diane's death, I have a feeling Im going to be coming to terms with this for a long time.

Someone posted a comment on a YouTube video" the good(the best) die young" and its so true in her case. I just cant believe it a lot of the time, but I can believe that her memory will always be alive & thankfully we have her beautiful music to always remind us of her & someday I hope to play it to my children.

It was always pretty awesome when someone, a friend or maybe someone I didn't know so well would ask if I had a famous sister or aunt..my reply of course being yes!

I feel so grateful that Diane & Marco had each other, as I sit here & try to hold it together writing this I think I have so much more to say.. Im so proud that I had an Aunt Diane,someone that was so wise & magical.

Even though these last few years have been so hard for Diane& Marco Im so grateful they lived in such a beautiful place with a lovely home surrounded by people & pets that cared for them. Im so glad I got to experience that with them for 2 weeks last Thanksgiving. What a very special time it was.

I hope its a beautiful day in Taos with lots of laughing & love & most importantly lots of Chai…

Im sorry that we cant be there with you, My Mother-Diane's sister, has been with us in Scotland during these last 2 months & I speak for her, my husband Ricky & myself when I say thank you for being there, thank you for all loving Diane & supporting her & Marco & thanks for your continued support for Marco. All the love we have been able to see all over Facebook means so much to us being so far away.

March 2011.

house!

I looked over my last post, and yes, pretty grim.

Things are looking up, and down. So far this 2011 buisness has been pretty rough. I totally over did it in January, work pretty much put me over the edge, but thats partly my fault. Trying to get "it" all done before my Mom came proved pretty pointless as "it" never ends.

I lost a close family member last week, which not only sucks but double ass sucks cos Im not to close to most of my family. Im gonna write somethen about that soon, and get it out there,up here and around.

Edinburgh is actually managing to produce some semi promising weather and I can feel spring coming, Ricky would maybe even say its here. It does something for the memory to have spring come, I like to be reminded of the very first time I went down to New Oreans, at the tender age of 13 I think it might have been. The world seemed very much alive then, So its good to be reminded of that feeling. Of course Bloomington feelings are strong during this time too, I can feel a trip coming on.. I miss America and the ones in it.

Recently I changed my job descrption, I traded the bar in for the kitchen & Im feeling much better so far, lets hope that lasts. I got really tired of dealing with the public, just to point out one of my issues. I have a bunch of visible tattoos and although this is no issue for me, having to explain them to conservative British people 7 times a day isnt exactly working out for me. Colin was right when he advised me to not get my hand tattooed just yet. Thanks Buddy..
So, feeling alot more comfortable behind the scenes, I am also doing lots of other things for the job, like learning about marketing and events,stuff that I think Im pretty good at.. Its kinda like throwing a party-just on a bigger scale. Im a natural fun haver so its all pretty easy.

I have yet to come to terms with some real long term goals in the UK other than continuing to immigrate. My Mom is here and that feels totally normal, it will be more lonely when she goes. Nice to be a 3 person team..

thursday...

I LOVE 7 up!!!!