T-day eve

What does Thanksgiving mean? I get that a lot over here, it makes me wonder if Brits ( as Im calling them these days!) actually think that we Americans all sit around & celebrate killing the natives. Yes, I do understand that out there, we have many, many messed up people that do not have their priorities or Holidays straight- but I think we have more people that do have it straight.
On this Thanksgiving eve as I sit here, I feel pretty resentful of things- which is wrong, its the opposite of feeling "thankful". Some things have been unsettling for weeks, feeling like Im alone in a sea of uncommunicative feeling stuffers who want nothing more than to have cryptic IJT= inside joke talk at my expense!
It might be our obsession with the Crime Investigation Network but I feel like I don't laugh that much- or is it just that no one is funny?
I guess its approaching the 6 month mark from the last time we were in the States, and I know- the festive period is hard for everyone. But I usually LOVE IT, and this year I feel so disconnected from almost everyone I know here!
Well now marks the moment when I turn my frown upside down! Its almost that mystical day when its cold & crisp outside but still orange, yellow & red! Turkeys, or TOfurkeys in our house beware! I will remember fondly my Thanksgiving in New Mexico last year making the sauce, meatballs & stuffing with my Aunt Diane. I remember fondly many Thanksgivings making the rounds, I think my Mom & I hit 4 families in 1 day 1 year. Turkey legs at my Moms with Ricky (although he didn't eat turkey) when we first discovered Rock of Love & watched 5 episodes in a row.. . .
Making stove top stuffing with Denise in Sparky's kitchen, going to Thanksgiving night parties when all the family time was over & drinking schnapps- the only thing left! Blindeye Thanksgiving potluck style bar times. . Thanksgiving beer drinking, leftovers & much more incriminating evidence!
Vodafone may have stolen our ability to have a Thanksgiving party this year, my head cold has gotten in the way & we cant afford to take work off anyway, but I will take comfort in the thought that someday I will be back amongst my people & I wont have to explain myself all the time, my strange American traditions & what they mean. . . . . .

Beached

Have not had that much time to write lately, we got the ticket though for those of you that wonder! Thanks Everyone!

As usual the only time I feel like blogging my view is when Im feeling down. . . . Its only really been this week & its only half way through the week just now. The weather here totally sucks, its getting dark about 3pm & it is really cold until you start walking anywhere & then you totally over heat. I walk a lot more now that we got rid of our bus passes which were only really needed for our old jobs.
I sorta feel like people are freaking out, or freaking out on us or taking it out on us? Perhaps we are just big butt-faces angering our friends & family? Regardless though, I feel like Im the only person in Scotland that can or wants to communicate. Slightly over dramatic, I know but still. Noticing a bit more cultural differences at this exact time!
Today after starting several different projects in order to avoid learning how to do the one daunting project I NEED to do I decided to go out. Walked uptown, met the Hubs, went a few places including back to "lower Leith", got some veg & walked home. Got into my jammies & made dinner only to realise it was 4:30 in the afternoon! I thought it must have been at least 7pm, its currently almost 9 & I feel like Im up late. I feel like a beached whale in a pink robe!

On another note, I have no desire to go to any bar or pub or club in this city & every time I put music on at work someone I work with complains. Where TF am I?

Izzo/White Holiday Season Fund Drive!

This is a brief history or explanation of why I am asking for $10 donations to help purchase a plane ticket for my Mother to come & be here for Christmas 2011.

The simple fact is the last several times we have spent time with my Mom it has been during high stress emergency situations. About 3 months after I moved to Edinburgh almost 3 1/2 years ago my family went into what I would describe as a total crisis with the diagnosis of my Aunt Diane's malignant brain tumour. This was especially difficult to digest as Diane's husband Marco had just had a kidney transplant & the couple were already struggling to deal with that situation.
Diane & Marco lived in New Mexico & with some help from the rest of family Ricky & I were able to facilitate my Mom getting & staying out there for a few months to help out. Here is a link which might give you some more info on Diane.

http://leisureblogs.chicagotribune.com/turn_it_up/2008/11/a-big-brain-ben.html

Less than 1 year later we got the call that my Grandfather was very ill & we needed to get to the States asap. My Mom got up to Chicago & kicked into care taking mode & we searched for tickets,cash & time off work. It was then that the credit card came into the picture & with some help from Ricky's family here we were both able to go to Chicago. This 2 week period was spent helping out my Mom & Uncle Anthony manage Grandpa's care & trying to spend as much time with him as possible. I had not seen him for more than a couple hours in about 5 years.Here is a link to some of the work my Grampa did as a film editor.

www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=ytH1G0hzi-U

It was during this trip that I found out my Grandfather on my Dad's side of the family was also ill & didn't have long. We got up to Wisconsin to see them, it had been about 15 years since I had seen them, it was magical.
Shortly after our return to Edinburgh Grampa Tony passed away, We were so grateful of the time spent in Chicago helping out. Ricky made eggs for Grampa every day & it was so important that Ricky got to know him & vice versa. My Grandpa Don passed away later in the year also.

The next year was spent trying to keep tabs on Diane & Marco's health, my Mom's well being/her own health issues & her return to Bloomington after the trauma of losing her father. It was a lot harder to settle here than I expected & combined with all this & the pressure & expense of gaining residency we were pretty much frazzled out. After finally getting our passports back from the home office at the end of last summer it became very clear to me that Diane was not doing well & I needed to see her. Our original plan was to try & visit my Mom for her 50th birthday in Bloomington but I knew deep down that I needed to get to New Mexico that Fall or it might be too late to see Diane. I am so glad I followed my instinct. I was able to secure my plane ticket through my previous job as both of our Christmas bonuses & off I went. The time I got to spend with Diane was priceless to me. It was really hard to see them going through so much (Marco back on Dialysis & Diane in extreme chronic pain) & know that I couldn't stay & help, I tried as much as I could while I was out there but I had to get home, back to work as the festive season was approaching.
I miraculously got home & was able to get my Mom a ticket here for her 50th birthday (thank you tax return) in February.
2 days after my Mom got to Scotland her little sister, my aunt Diane went in for her 2nd surgery to remove a growth on her brain. Although we were able to briefly speak to her afterwards, she did not recover. The cancer had spread & it was only a matter of time, we were totally unable to get back to the States. My Mom & Ricky & I spent both of their birthdays here in Edinburgh through Diane's last days. During this time we were virtually totally unable to take time off of work & the whole thing was extremely stressful & sad.

The next occasion for us seeing my Mom was to get to the States in May for the Diane Izzo Memorial Event which we needed to attend apart from obvious reasons, to hopefully get some closure,we also needed to get Boo ( my grandmother ) up to Chicago since she was alone in Bloomington when Diane passed.
This entire trip was funded through credit & although we did not know this at the time, unforeseen circumstances back here made it impossible for us to continue or full time employment when we returned to Edinburgh leaving us in a pretty bad financial situation this past summer.
This pretty much sums up what I/ we have been going through since I moved here, although I totally understand why it might seem cheeky for me to be asking for your money to help my Mom come here for a (fingers crossed) genuine holiday I really feel that this is becoming a valid way to achieve goals- look at Kickstarter.com. Lets face it, how hard is it right now to save? We are perpetually in the negative & my Mom is on a fixed disability income. Boo has contributed a good amount towards this fund but we still need to raise around $300- today about £190. I am currently working on a plan to create a "Vacation funder" but in the mean time, please kick in $10 or whatever you can to help us out. I know most of you would be happy to buy us a beer if we saw you on a night out so why not do this instead-its far more meaningful to us. I am more than happy to give you the $10 back when you go on Holiday or buy YOU a beer when I see you, I just can't do it all at once!

The paypal for this is mizzowhite@gmail.com & if you don't have a paypal set up I will send you the bank account details-- Just email me! If you live locally in Bloomington or in the States & you would like to send a cheque or money order please contact lizizzo@yahoo.com for the address. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts! Michelle, Ricky & Elizabeth. . . .

Pissed off Puppy!

Try as I might I cannot get this blog up to anything positive.. Its so lame! Im not really a totally unhappy person who hates the place she lives in but I think it must appear that way- sorry folks! My food blog is way more positive! The thing that reminded me of this fact was that Im currently pissed off & thought of blogging? Why!!?

I decided to try & search for an image which describes my mood- I tried "pissed off puppies" & came up with this-although I don't think if myself as a puppy, this one is making a fitting face and for some reason its got a photo of Jack Black attached to it. I used to be in love with Jack Black until I met my husband, well it fizzled out a bit before that but still, I thought I might have a chance. In spite of him being already involved with someone & me living a drunken delusional life in the Czech Republic I still thought I had a chance. . . . . .
Jack Black is really funny, someday when Im really bored I will scan some of my Jack Black artwork in & show you. The D got me through some pretty dark times, in Bloomington & in Prague. . . .Good times too x x x Thank you Jack Black, I feel a lot better now!

I feel like shit.

I have been feeling really down the last 2 days & there is no real reason for it- its not that time off month or anything like that. I feel so very uninspired by Edinburgh- how is this possible? I literally feel as if I am missing something that other people see. I think its beautiful here and all that but try as I might, most days I cant see past the gray buildings, the shoppers & the general suit vibe. I don't mean to or want to sound like a total ingrate ( even though I do) as I am very lucky in a lot of ways, I just feel like Im missing something.

I stopped looking for "something" here awhile ago & things have improved a lot but I still get the odd day where I get really pissed off or sad etc. Is it just that I have failed to really become friends with any one group of people or is it that they stopped asking forever ago as we were perpetually "working" & "broke" at the same time?

I come from a really different place from most people I know here & I am starting to wonder if that is the problem? When I lived in Prague we all had that fact in common so I suppose it was much easier to make friends. Everyone was from someplace else & everyone thought Prague was really great so we all liked to do the same type of things. Like drink Czech beer. Maybe Prague ruined Edinburgh for me?

Or maybe Im just getting old? Or maybe for once all the "older" people I try to hang out with are actually acting old and responsible as opposed to acting really irresponsible.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Molly Shimer

I had some pretty crazy dreams this morning -all Bloomington based,all downtown in places that don't really exist anymore. This prompted me to search the online newspaper in Bloomington for a few names of friends who have passed away. Young people that died WAY to early, Molly & Cara to be exact, but I stumbled on lots more names of folks I have not thought about in a long time.
Cara & I were really good friends when we were younger but not in too much contact at the time of her death. RIP Cara x x x

Molly & I were good friends through a very troubling time in both of our teenage years. Molly was a couple years older than me, she was 18 at the time of her death,but going back a few years... We were both in a considerable amount of trouble but nothing that serious, lets say truancy was a big part of it & running away from home-but we weren't bad kids. (both gemini)
The short version of what happen is that Molly & I were 2 girls from Monroe County sent to a Rehabilitation Center outside of Muncie In, called Interventions. No one from Monroe Co had ever come out of that program successfully & no one came out successfully the entire 8 months I was in there-apart from me. Molly & I got into loads of trouble together & had some really great times. Being from the same town we had an advantage that no one else in there had. We were able to make plans & have dreams together of what would happen when & if we ever got out of there.... Both of our fathers where deceased & both of our Mothers collected a social security cheque due to that situation. Although I am unclear of the circumstances regarding Molly's cheque, I know that my own was re-routed to Monroe County to help pay for this "treatment" I was supposed to be getting-in spite of my Mother still needing to pay for all my personal items & keep a roof over her head so I had someplace to return too, drive 5 hours to visit me to participate in counselling.
During the first 6 months of being at Interventions myself & other girls (including Molly) complained of a strange rash that had covered our bodies accompanied by unbearable itching. This was casually brushed off as being " all in our heads" by the nurse & counsellors.
On my 6 month review I was brought back to Bloomington for a brief court date where I was able to see my public defender. I showed him the rashes & told him about what was going on & he immediately put pressure on Interventions to get me to a doctor which they did promptly. When I saw the Doctor he took 1 look at my HAND & established that I had Scabies!
For 6 months we had been living with Scabies & no one believed us that anything was even wrong! Somehow I managed to get myself out of that place, I don't thing I was "rehabilitated" since I don't believe that at that time in my life I needed it. Yes, we put our mothers through hell, yes, we should have gone to school-but we didn't. We didn't deserve what we got & I know Molly didn't deserve the 10 months she got in that place. Molly got kicked out of Interventions, In my opinion far worse off than when she went in. She was still a great person but her levels of chemical abuse were a lot higher & the habits she picked up in that place stayed with her till the end. I still saw Molly on a regular basis but did avoid spending time with her due to the company she kept. Monroe County did fail her, I would say it failed me too-but I turned out Ok. I managed to somehow, stay out of trouble in spite of still being a "trouble maker" & somehow got out of Indiana. I wonder what the system has in place in Monroe County now to deal with such young ladies? Has it improved? I write this for Molly in part as it was 15 years ago this week some asshole drove 7 miles the wrong way down the highway with Molly in the passenger seat.RIP Molly.
I also write it though as this morning when I checked my email my Mom had written saying that she got a letter from the sheriffs court stating they still want the "parental reimbursement" money from the couple of months they didn't steal my social security cheque during that 8 month period. They will not give up on this in spite of countless appearances & letters stating that not only do we not have the money to pay it but it is completely inappropriate to ask for money from us. The court system at that time in Monroe County failed to place us someplace safe & as far as Im concerned they were partially responsible for Molly's death & that makes me sad. I love Bloomington but Monroe County will not be getting 1 penny of money from us for parental reimbursement for a near criminal act of " Juvenile Rehabilitation".

reflective reflections

Since today is 9/11 I thought I might flash back to where I was when the shit hit the fan... I woke up in Denise & Al's old apartment at the house on Jackson street above Skeet's house. I can't remember if they were there or not. We (Im thinking me & Skeet) had been partying pretty heavily the night before & my ex-boyfriend Thomas called from the Pizzeria around 10am to say that there had been some sort of terrorist attack & Indiana may be a target. I had no idea what he was talking about but I seem to remember getting up & going downstairs to check the t.v. & then I remember going downtown to the Pizzeria to watch what was happening from there. I can't remember why there was this thought Indiana would be a target. To be honest I really can't remember much else about the day except watching the same footage over & over... Im not really sure what to say, clearly shit did not go down ( no pun intended ) the way they say it did & that is disturbing. There are a million 9/11 shows on this weekend & after Ricky fell asleep during "Gone with the Wind" I decided to watch one. I caught the end of a show that was about heros of 9/11, 2 guys that got all these people out of lifts & down stairs etc but both didn't make it themselves. Ricky woke up & we tried to watch a show about children of 9/11 victims but I had to turn it off. It was too f*****g sad (for lack of a better word) for my current hungover state & Ricky was in danger of getting really angry. At the risk of sounding totally shallow, it was not cool-it does not make sense. My heart goes out to everyone that lost someone...Fuck George Bush & the horse he rode in on!